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the prettiest little hummingbird…

August 28, 2014


came up to me entirely unexpectedly and without any explanation from anyone in any way and then it happened – and so it was so many days ago when the sun was still shining on an otherwise perfectly fine monday afternoon – and then some many days later i realized in that ever so stunning fashion of all-at-once that i was indeed altogether blind as to what it was that was happening on that day and now so suddenly i wasn’t – so there i was on the day it all began and it rather rapidly became very cloudy and then very darkly gray right before the bottom fell out with a tremendously heavy rain that just didn’t seem as if it would ever find an end – and once again as it’s so thankfully been the pattern i decided would be mine in recent years my mind simply went silver and so followed my heart – and that led to the brighter words found here just 24 days ago of the beauty of gray so titled on a rainy day – and then came tuesday and tuesday afternoon and the heaviest feeling of sorrow i’ve ever had in all the years of my life in suddenly hearing the saddest sounding and endlessly tearful words of my father in being told my dear wonderful mother had suddenly passed away – none of us had anything even remotely in the way of a hint that mom’s final minutes were so fastly arriving yet they were and they did – and then everything went still and silent and sideways for many hours to come and from there for many days after that – however something so wonderful also happened that would come to tell the greater story as i came to realize all in an instant as to just how beautiful of a gift God had already given me right before mom returned to heaven – and then again it happened in nearly just the same way for my sister-in-law in the days just after we all gathered in celebrating the golden-hearted life mom had so happily led -

it’s important to say just how much of an affinity the 3 of us in my mother my sister-in-law and myself had as we were 3 birds of a feather in so many ways – it’s fair to say i’ve always felt very much at peace and completely understood and so absolutely loved by them both – and in the neverendingly mysterious ways of God he joined us together once again in the way that it came to be in what it was that happened – and here’s exactly what happened as i was working from the patio reveling in the beautiful view of the lake and the fountain and the so many pretty birds and ducks and cranes that day – and as i was i was also locked-in in such a nearsighted fashion to my cell looking to see who needed contacted next not realizing it was me and then it happened -

i became so suddenly startled as something of size well beyond that of a tiny fly so rapidly and quietly approached me – as my eyes so quickly adjusted and to my great surprise and sheerly overhwhelming delight it was a precious little hummingbird literally hovering less than an inch away from my foot looking right at me – and there it stayed for many seconds and then it took a sudden and imperceptible turn to the right as if to let me know it had to move along and then it turned back looking right at me once again and stayed a few more seconds and then it left – and right there and then off went my mind and out poured the tears as i was entirely overwhelmed not even knowing why as to what just happened and then many minutes later i forgot about it – and then my mother passed away the very next day and then many days passed from there – and then my sister-in-law told my father of the most amazing experience she had just had (entirely unaware of mine) when they returned back north after everything was over as she was visited in her garage the one morning by the prettiest little hummingbird – and so it arrived flittering about this way that way and the other as well as circling right around cheryl as if just to say hello all the while returning the happiest of smiles to cheryl’s face and indeed her heart as something so wonderful happened yet again -

and then it all became as clear as anything has ever been in my life as to exactly what had happened – you see my mother’s mother was the 4th bird of that feather of 3 i mentioned just minutes ago and ever since she left us all the way back in the year 2000 i knew all at once just a few years later that she was with me in my every minute – and in knowing that it all came together – it was her my grandmother my nana visiting me as the hummingbird that morning in trying to tell me my mother was about to join her in heaven and just the next day she did – and then with my sister-in-law it was my mother now visiting her in bringing a well-deserved returning smile to cheryl after all of her tears of these past many days since august 5th – and so it is with faith in that anything and indeed everything is possible and at times it all makes so much sense as it then delivers so much well-needed peace as it did for us – and such it was and so it is that 2 of the prettiest little hummingbirds ever so quiet and oh so peaceful found their way right to where they were needed at just the right minute in giving a gift of the sweetest loving fashion that i will never ever forget – and for it all i say thank you God – your grace is indeed endlessly amazing – wishing you one in the same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

a greater love revealed…

August 16, 2014


is certainly the one way to characterize what it’s been in these past many days since my dear and ever so wonderfully loving mother so suddenly passed away in returning to heaven to where she clearly once began – it’s been in these past eleven days in his every loving word and his every falling tear as to the far greater love revealed at a depth i had never realized before as to just how deeply, completely and happily my father has always loved my mother – and i for one feel that much the wealthier in not only bearing witness to such an endearing love yet for also sharing in such an immeasurably loving sentiment within every thread of my heart – because of this wonderful love i can now further feel beyond any shadow of a doubt an even greater sense of compassion that’ll surely always be to the greater good of all of those so close to me in my life for the rest of my days – he’s always been a loving husband and very much a loving father everything the same and we’ve always seen it as surely as we’ve felt it – yes there’ve been times when the precision of germany and the shall we say very well-defined and overridingly passionate spirit of ireland have met with the higher decibels and temporarily angry eyes yet in the grand design of it all they’ve been limited and always amazingly have somehow led the way right back to returning smiles and laughter – and it’s the smiles&laughter that’ve quite fortunately been the mainstay of the better balance of all of the days we’ve been a family for these fifty three years and running – and for that i am exceptionally thankful for being so wonderfully blessed in just the fashion that i’ve always been, thank you dad -

it’s been a steadily revealing journey in so many ways for me in these past three years three months and eleven days since the moment my life changed on a dime from jeff beck to she just left me – it all happened in so many painfully upsetting and then ultimately soulfully strengthening ways and it’s all been by the grace of God in that i’ve found such a far greater peace&clarity unlike ever before – and for it all i couldn’t be any more thankful – and now with my mother on the permanent vacation she so richly deserved as heaven surely is proving to be along with my father being at the dawn of a phase of life that no one ever hopes to arrive at yet by no means is the end of his road i’m finding that God has indeed blessed me yet again – he’s blessed me so unexpectedly, so uniquely and so completely as something inside of me by way of the holy spirit has now taken an even greater loving hold of me – it’s such a fascinating hold with an even brighter light in leading me to be there in every way that i can for not only dear old dad yet also for the very essence of meeting the mission i’ve been given my life to give in being the helping hand of inspiration in any and every way that i’ve been gifted by God to be – and so i shall and so i will do just that inside of every minute moving forward on every path i’m being led to travel on – giving in rhythm and setting every soul free with a smile of God’s loving grace is where you’ll find me for the rest of my life and for it i couldn’t be any happier – wishing every one of you the very same peace as well as God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

what a wonderful lady…

August 9, 2014


my mother Charlotte Ann Rettinger was in every way to everyone ever having had the joy in simply meeting her – my mother was born so long ago right at the brink of such a perilous time in the year of 1940 in pittsburgh pennsylvania – and while it seemed so long ago it now feels altogether far too soon that she is now so suddenly gone at only 74 – by the grace of God she had just enjoyed such a very nice several days with the first of august having been her birthday which thankfully led to many outings celebrating with friends and family – just this past saturday evening the 4 of us had such a lovely time at one of mom’s most favorite italian restaurants where they even serenaded her with the birthday song – in such a sweet and loving fashion everything felt just like it did way back in another time up north in pittsburgh where we all would have such joyful visits all throughout the years with nana, my mother’s mother who was ever so vibrantly italian – as a matter of fact right at this very minute i can now clearly remember how we all gathered together in celebrating nana’s life at her favorite italian restaurant in pittsburgh in the year 2000 as it was that summer seeing the loss of yet another wonderful soul in my grandmother – as for this past saturday evening i’ll never forget the big and beautiful smile mom arrived with as she came into the restaurant and saw us sitting there – smiling straight from the soul is something we all seem to be gifted with in this life yet so rarely do any of us truly share such a shining light from one day to another in quite the loving fashion that my mother did – sure mom had the ability to be upset but rarely was it ever for more than a fleeting moment as it was love that led the way in my mother’s life – it was a love for all of her family, such a beautiful affection for all of her friends and indeed quite the loving embrace for life itself that tells the story of just who my mother was – i can hear very clearly every one of my friends ever having met her telling me just how sweet your mother is and how fortunate you are to have her as your mother and they couldn’t have been any more on the mark in saying so – i’ve come to discover in these past many hours that right up until heaven arrived for her on late tuesday afternoon she was doing the things that made her so happy – she’d just finished making dad one of his favorite german meals and while it was coming to a perfect completion in the oven mom was also having another happy conversation with her golden-hearted daughter-in-law and my sister-in-law cheryl for whom i wouldn’t trade for all of the treasure in this world – 2 birds of a feather with hearts greater in size than all of the universe is what it was anytime mom and cheryl had occasion to be in one another’s company or even only on the phone together as they were this past tuesday afternoon – in reflection it couldn’t have been any more wonderful than for each of them to hear one another’s voice one more time not knowing my mother’d be in heaven in just a handful of minutes right afterward – in calling my father in for dinner he said he’d be right in and after one more call for him with this time including a softer plea that he’d better come right on in as she wasn’t feeling right dad came right in and mom sat down in dad’s favorite easychair and told dad in the finest of italian mother fashion that he’d better get the roast out of the oven so it didn’t burn and he did – in just seconds dad did as mom requested and when he returned to just the few feet away where mom was sitting he found her with her eyes closed having already left us – he tried everything he could with emergency help literally arriving just 2 minutes later and unfortunately no one’s efforts no matter how valiant would serve to bring her back to us – it was entirely unexpected and we couldn’t be in any feeling of greater loss than that of which we’re now in – we know beyond a shadow of a doubt heaven smiled with her arrival as an angel had returned back to where she once clearly came from, that was my mom – there’s never been a sweeter soul with a brighter smile or a loving heart as grand as that of my mother -

in life she was entirely selfless and loved by all who ever knew her – mom had the most wonderful laugh full of life to the point i can remember it just like it was yesterday – she got such a kick out of johnny carson to the degree at times that i’d wake up as a six year-old right about 1130 at night or a few minutes thereafter only to sneak downstairs just enough on the split-level to where i could peak in on the first-level family room – it was there in that perfectly cozy family room downstairs where mom and dad could typically be found watching the tonight show in the mid 1970’s – and that often meant a room full of laughter from them both yet it was mom always hitting the higher decibels, and i loved it! – i know it’s right there and then that i found one of the gifts God’s so gracefully given me in loving to make people laugh, and ever since that time when the moment seems right that’s what i strive for – and every time i get a smile and a laugh or 2 from there from someone around me or even more so from a perfect stranger i light up from within feeling i’ve somehow made someone else feel as good or maybe even as great as mom clearly did night after night from johnny all those many years ago – and for that i say thank you mom for showing me such a wonderful way to live this amazing journey we call life, it just wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun any other way – and if it hadn’t had been for my seeing you so happy in sharing your laughter for everyone to hear i don’t believe i would’ve ever gained a naturally commanding yet peaceful confidence like i have – and that confidence i must tell you mom has made all the difference in the world to me in resting most of my focus and nearly all of my energy on pouring into others and giving everything i can – it’s what you always did and in your honor what i’ll carry on endeavoring to do the same for the rest of my hopefully great many days -

and then there was your love for music that you instilled in every thread of who i am mom and it’s been such an amazing life for me in so many ways in that world – i learned at an early age to play the drums and from the way-to-go’s from my big brother jimmy’s friend’s when we played it went over very well every time i sat down with them – and that never would’ve happened if you and dad hadn’t have been so encouraging for us to learn to play an instrument as well as being so wonderful in exposing us to so much fantastic music on the radio, excellent records on the hi-fi and indeed at the number of brilliant shows you treated us to as well – i mean really what a life it was as a seven year-old in late 1976 seeing your favorite the one and only elvis presley as my very first concert, i still have the ticket actually – and then in years later making sure that i saw the likes of neil diamond, barry manilow, frank sinatra and luciano pavarotti just to name a few, amazing! – that love you instilled in me led to so many additionally amazing memories at quite a number of shows with my big brother jimmy from night ranger and van halen right to an epic stadium masterpiece of a performance by the who and at least a dozen-strong horn section in tampa stadium in 1989 – it’s such an incredible love of music that further so happily tells the tale of my life to this point and for that mom i say thank you as well -

and then there’s the compassion with which you led your every day in always being there for us well beyond what we even were aware of as we were growing up – yet in now looking back from the eyes of my 44 years i so clearly see as to just how beautifully and completely you loved us all – you were there for us with the most heartening support emotionally and lovingly all along the way and of course you and dad always far surpassed our every need and met so many of our further desires in treating us to so many fun-filled vacations all over north america – and then even for a few days it was just you and me in paris before dad arrived from scandinavia to meet up with us, and what a captivating adventure we had running all around the city like it was ours for those few days back in 1991 – in a city where it’s always said that an american isn’t typically all that well-received they welcomed you wherever we went like you were royalty and i know it came from that most wonderful winning smile that only so many people we ever meet in life are so blessed to have, and you always had it mom – for many years now and to this very day i feel your spirit in me in my wearing that same smile wherever i am with everyone i can – it makes me feel so happy just to send a smile someone’s way with the simple hope that it’s met in some similar fashion by those i’m around just as yours was with everyone that was ever around you -

for all of everything i’ve said above of your infectious laughter, your wonderful appreciation for excellent music and your immeasurably loving compassion for not only your closest loved-ones yet for anyone you ever met i say thank youthank you for so lovingly leading me in feeling the very same passions in my life – mom now even more so than ever i completely feel your exceptional heart in me, i always have and i always will – and for the rest of my days in your honor i’ll do all that i possibly ever can in living my life to the very fullest achieving everything you ever thought i could – and as i do i’ll feel your encouragement, i’ll see your beautiful smile and i’ll hear you telling me how much you love me just like you always did – mom you were the very best mother anyone ever could have had – thank you, i love you and may God bless you in every single way mom, your son gary – wishing every one of you one in the same happiness and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

on a rainy day…

August 4, 2014


an entire array of feelings arises within us yet far too often it’s seemingly on the sadder side of life – thankfully however that just doesn’t have to be as it’s something completely within us to change and on a dime at that – it’s altogether commonplace that the rain and all of the gray that arrives along with it seemingly sneaks into what we’re feeling by way of what we’re now seeing – and for the most of us that means it’s gray and it’s gloomy and we may even get splashed about or even muddied up a bit from there and of course there’s absolutely nothing good in any of that is there? – well that all depends on what it is we’re truly seeing doesn’t it? – in the way that i’ve come to understand and receive it it’s actually one of the very best settings we can arrive at as we greet the new day – it’s one of the very best settings we can find because it leads us to the option of gaining the greater strength that awaits us all when we decide there’s really something very good about what everyone else is crowing about with such an endless disdain – and when we see it as silver it breeds within us a far finer ability in every way in mastering this beautifully mysterious thing we call life – in other words it’s all in having the mindset of discovering every silver lining that surrounds every situation – there’s the one way and that’s giving in giving up and giving way to the self-imprisoned reality of seeing something as bad and then taking all of what comes with that – and then there’s the second way in taking the road far less traveled in simply deciding to see the far greater picture that’ll always almost instantly unveil itself in the wondrous ways of tapping into the holy spirit and seeing the good of it all and then setting those glorious wheels into motion instead – it’s how it all works and we do indeed create what we speak – and that my friends is where i’ve learned to the immediate and everlasting benefit from body to mind and then spirit to see it all with a smile -

so now when i see the gathering clouds of the coming rain sending away an otherwise happy sun whether it’s for a minute or even many a day i simply tell myself this is good – it’s good because it leads me to remember so many of the wonderful adventures we had in the northwest as a child when indeed the weather included the rain a fair bit of the time – it’s good because it takes me away to the shiny yellow slip ‘n slides on so many summer lawns in my childhood in greater philadelphia – it’s good because it takes me back to rainy day runs through riverside where we never felt more alive – and it’s good simply because i decided that’s the way that it is – and every time that i have and every time that i do see it in just this fashion life has arrived with a light unseen but surely felt – it’s an inner light that seems to work as an invitation to the good the better and the best ways of the world taking care of me with everything so wonderful to the great collective benefit of all of those in my life all by the grace of God – and that’s a very good thing indeed – wishing you one in the same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

feeling good…

August 1, 2014


in letting go of so much of everything that just doesn’t matter is the winning move – it’s altogether as exciting as much as it’s vital in giving far greater life to what really matters – and for me it happened in an instant – it happened in the simple telling of a story – it happened right when he said he let it all go in the complete faith that it was the right thing to do and from there everything in his life just came together – in a sense his name and what it is he’s been doing so successfully over these past 25 years doesn’t even matter in the way that i see it – whereas what really matters is that he simply recognized an instant in time in his life in the simple loving words so given by another that would change the rest of his days forever for the far better – and we all have that chance in many ways at many times in life in the spirit of rarely is it ever too late to be who you always knew you were meant to be – in other words as the well-thought-of 19th century english writer george eliot so wonderfully once said it is never too late to be what you might have been – and as is the perspective of many a wise woman, mary ann evans as she was in reality with george eliot only a highly successful pen name said it all in those very words -

yet we may never arrive if we’ve already left behind who we are and what we know beyond a shadow of a doubt we should be doing in this life – what’s so critical in realizing is that there’s an entirely endless array of reasons even well beyond a to z as to why some of us journey along in the way that we do – and sometimes many of these reasons beyond what we can even clearly comprehend collectively lead us right into our greater destiny that seemingly couldn’t have happened in any other way – there’s an illuminating lesson in it all as we simply remember to be aware and even better from there as we actively seek an even wider awareness in our conversations with God – it’s in these conversations that many a time are started from within us as we suddenly hear his wonderful voice where we find the only overriding direction that ever really matters – and that’s the seed and the lead of godspeed and as we follow it we find our heart in finding ourselves and from there there’s never any looking back – wishing you the peace in finding one in the same with God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

let it shine…

July 25, 2014


greater than the brightest summer sun – let it shine from within, around and from above in every single thing that you see, in every single thing that you hear and in every last thing that you could possibly ever feel – after all it’s in this very light where everything so wild, so wonderful and amazing awaits the one simple word of yes – yes i’d like that in my life and yes i’d love them in my life as well and yes i know who’s behind it all – it’s in this ever-giving light where we all once lived life as a child and for the most of us we always sailed along with the loveliest of flying colors from one day to the next and then again from there – yet something’s likely happened between there and where you are right this very minute and if it’s anything less than just how beautiful life once was then it’s time – it’s high time to let it go and let it flow, to let ‘em in and let it begin and get on with truly living the life you know’s already been written from well within – you know there’s a reason you’re alive and you know there’s many a gift you’ve been given – and what’s so perfect from there’s that the whole wide world’s awaiting the blessing that is you – and what a blessing you are and what a blessing it is in the brilliant light of it all in the way that he’s planned it – it’s all so simple from the second we see the light – it’s all so simple in that it all begins in the flick of a switch – it’s right there and then in that one little decision that only you can ever decide upon that it all changes like a scene in a movie – shun it and surely it’ll all seem very much the same just like it ever was – embrace it as the turning of the key opening up your heart to all of everything you ever dreamed of in the way of being you and you’ve already won -

it’s light leading the way as the giver of life and the bringer of all that is good – and in that spirit may every one of us always remember that the brightest light doesn’t come from the sun above or even anything so elegant and ambient coming from the hands of man as indeed the greatest light of them all is born from the most exceptionally giving love of God himself right from within – turn it on, turn it up and let it shine! – wishing you one in the same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

let the good times roll…

July 20, 2014


arrived in 1978 as the listeners’ title for the lead track from a rather prolific record as coming from the hands of one of the greater bands of an era, the cars – in some simple fashion the celebrating spirit captured all within that one track also welcomed in an overriding fire within me for music, not just that of the new wave frontier yet for good music period – and that was the greater beginning of a love affair that began within me for wmmr and wysp as well as for that of the steadily emerging excellent record collection my big brother Jimmy was carefully building – what a time it was in so many ways in those latter days of the 1970’s – skating, sledding and many a weekend camping at the shore as well as train trips to new york city, holiday drives to pittsburgh to see nana and so many of my relatives and even beautiful roadtrips up and through the countryside of new england in the fall just to see the leaves, these were some of the ways that made up so many of the days of my time as a child in greater philadelphia – i even loved school as it was there where i had so many friends and it was there that i had the single-best teacher i ever had when i was in the fifth grade with mr. wilson – what a perfect fit he was as a former professional magician now teaching classes full of ten year-olds – he was such a wonderful person that when i sent him a graduation announcement some seven years later from many states away he not only sent a card of congratulations back but he also slipped inside of it a new and quite crisp twenty dollar bill, i’ll never forget that -

these four precious years weren’t always the picture-perfect existence that these hopefully clever and seemingly wistful words would otherwise lead us all to believe yet then again there is no such thing as picture-perfect in this life for anything more than a moment is there? – and when it happens it’s typically a fleeting moment that we all should savor and then take in to our memory for our better recollection for the rest of our days – after all it’s all on the inside as coming from the memory and then instantly arriving in our imagination as to where we lead ourselves in this life – as we see good we feel good and when we feel good we can receive good, not only the good of this world but far greater than that the receiving of the good and guiding word of God from within the holy spirit within us – and when you’re there as i’ve only arrived in realizing in recent years myself it’s the very best place we can ever dwell within – there’s a peace and a presence underlying the perfectly guiding ways of God that leads us in a way we never could lead ourselves – and when we’re in step with what it is we’re here for and why we’ve been given the life we have from there it’s an accelerated blessing of unity that can only ever truly be felt no matter how eloquent the words of another may say it’s so – some of us may say that it’s simply good timing and that it’s quite a coincidence yet the way it’s said the very best is that it’s the only speed any of us will ever need and that’s godspeed – and the very minute you get there let the good times roll even better than they ever have before – wishing you one in the same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

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