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the open road’s the blood of my soul…

August 19, 2011

going with the flow’s been a revelation of late that’s serving to take me exactly where i’m feeling’s the place to be even when there’s a sudden left turn at albuquerque – the plan to learn a new skill up in the great white north became a matter of the timing just wasn’t in the cards yet the reality of the path that opened up has served to further set sail to my soul – there was a time when i became overwhelmed and hadn’t a clue of what had swept over me other than a crushing feeling that nearly everything in my world no longer had the smiling tint of all the splendor of the colors of fall that was always my vision from the time of being a child – instead a dark gray to black shadow seemed to be everywhere i was and invaded my every thought and it was absolutely awful – i wasn’t prepared or wired at that point to even recognize what was happening let alone how to begin recovering the essence of happiness that’s always normally me – by the grace of god and a tremendous amount of unendingly caring and loving understanding encouragement and help i was able to eventually and gratefully rediscover my soul in a new way that’s part of the immensely amazing gift i was given as i came into this life – what was so uplifting was discovering this element to my soul of creative adaptability that i never realized was there – this led to an entirely unplanned path together with my wonderful wife rena as we set off enhancing a line of accounts which became such a fulfilling experience even with all of the inherent let’s say ‘opportunities for connecting growth’ that came along with this experience – we were together 25 hours a day (god bless rena for having the strength and compassion to be together with me that much), there was a learning curve for me as this was a gift of elegant ease for rena, and their was the fatigue of it all just the same with the extensive travel as our home became the 328 and whatever the other number was that night on the hotel room’s door  – yet we were surviving and much more so than that we were thriving and then all of a sudden god said to us ‘new day different story’ on january 9th – this was a left turn that’s all yet we saw and felt it as the floor literally and suddenly disappearing from us – a lot of pain and new sudden extended depression set in as neither of us knew any better how to respond or how to be there for one another in this greatest time of need when the answer i’ve come to learn was actually very simple – i’ve come to learn we simply should have said ‘this is a very easy problem to solve’ and then simply let that be exactly what is to happen – one of us tried conquering this awful new reality and that’s entirely impossible, the other being me also tried conquering this awful new reality just the same and that was entirely impossible as well – all we had to do was make a choice to step gracefully off what was now not our path and onto a new path that we simply could have and still can choose to do – the overwhelmingness of it all has temporarily set us away from one another which as it’s simply god’s plan i completely accept it as his blessinghe has reasons for everything and every way he guides us and i have every faith this is the greatest gift he’s ever designed for us and we will win together greater than our dreams have ever revealed

as for where the road led me last night it’s right into the loving and welcoming arms of family as we rekindle the beauty that was once there and surely is all already coming together again –  that love was there even when a subtle and deceptive depression blinded me and set me astray to where i couldn’t see or feel anything but anger – by the grace of god the amazing love from rena and the love everyone’s given me so generously that once unbearably painful world’s now thankfully gone –

as we all awaken to the blessing of each new day that we just don’t know will be there for us when we close our eyes at night i’ve come to fully realize it’s to my greatest favor to simply count the blessings that surround me and keep faith that all is already on the way to returning and arriving that completes my soul – wishing you vision wisdom strength and all of god’s blessings ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

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