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feeling frayed feathers…

August 9, 2013


happens to many of us even when we really aren’t aware we’re not really ourselves any more and that’s in no way a good thing at all – there comes a time in some of our lives where everything and everyone seems to not be right as if everything and everyone’s somehow different and far from satisfying to us as we once felt – and there appears the magically deceptive word felt – for what we feel surely is always as it seems and never leaves us swinging in the wind does it? – and then there’s never the possibility that what we were dealt as a child not only brought us the one we’re with for what actually is very good reason yet also has left us in a severe state of blind confusion thinking the one we’re with is the sole source of what ails us – been there? – felt that? – left with what initially seems like zero options after half of your life with the one you thought you’d be with forever? – ever heard the stunningly mystifying (at first) plea of i need to know i can take care of myself from the one you love more than words can say? – such a beautiful picture, isn’t it? – well ever so thankfully there is a silver lining in all of this – really? – really

if you’re the one hearing it all it’s heartache and tears as you’ve never realized you could feel or you could cry yet this is a time where everything’s possible including the reality of recreating what once was even far better than it ever was – and that comes from seeking enlightenment from the good ones that know and deafening yourself to anything the lesser no matter who it may be coming from even if it’s your so-called best friend

and then if you’re the one laying down the chaos it’s as critical you realize you need help as it is in realizing that running and finding something or someone new that makes you happy is a fantasyit won’t last, it never does – try it all you like and you’ll only fall deeper in the land of pain that’s seeking to destroy you from your first ten years with mom and dad – there’s living and learning in chaos and there’s living and learning in a setting of love, respect and peace where purpose is meaningful and nurturing – so guess what if you’re in the scenario above whether you’re the runner or the abandoned you came from the first house, the one of chaos –

so what do you do about it? – i can only speak from the devastating pain i unwittingly caused the beautiful soul i once knew as my wonderful wife as i crashed in a crisis i had no way of realizing was headed our way and then quite the far sadder witnessed her in the same blinding grip that told her i was what was wrong in her life as she altogether vanished, nearly 20 years gone just like that – when it hit me first neither of us knew what was happening and i was rudderless for nearly 2 years before i sprang back to life – i ran in my own way and i’ll forever regret the painful experience it surely was for her even more so than for me – and then it was her turn and let me say even with all of the amazing blessings that have come my way in the past 27 months the pain can still be incredibly stinging and invasive when i least expect it – a favorite composer of mine once said it as hints, allegations and other things left unsaid and i suppose that’s rather fitting for the lingering feelings of emptiness that carry onward from a complete lack of any opportunity to listen, understand, heal and possibly find that loving essence of the flame that started it all so many years ago once again –

yet that’s the hand that was dealt and i continue to play it with the only finesse there really is as comes from the journey in living life at the speed of God a la godspeed – and from here so many blessings and beautifully loving people continue to breathe revitalized life in me as i never knew possible and for which i am forever grateful – it’s all about celebrating the golden threads in the love coming from our hearts that creates our days and delivers our dreams – when we live in the faith as if our world’s already all the wonderful life we surely each envision for ourselves that life then arrives – so i say to us all love yourself as you surely feel God loving you and follow his best free of anything and anyone and any destructive emotion the lesser – you owe it to the best that is in you as much as the ones who love you – and to those on the run rarely very rarely is the grass ever greener on the other side, it’s an illusion well more often than not – so don’t give up, don’t give in and don’t ever stop loving them – after all we must always keep it front and center that love is an action that carries on well after the chemicals and hopefully for a lifetime – wishing you all the light, the healing, happiness, laughter and love that once was once again with God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~


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