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thank you dustin hoffman…

October 28, 2013

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for helping me to finally see in the brilliant tale that is told in kramer vs. kramer what i never really saw in the way that i do now with transcending clarity – and with that clarity i pray these words reach all of the ones whom so richly deserve to hear them – i can only speak from the one heart that is mine yet i have a feeling more than just i alone was dealt the very same cards passed down from God only knows how many generations straight into the 1970’s to the me that went from the beginning to that milestone age of 10 by the end of 1979 – while i was certainly gifted in being given so much good in so many ways as to how to be in this life as a son and a brother as well as a friend and a partner i nonetheless ended up as the 3 of us all did in not really knowing the right way to love free of any conditions –

ours was a house and a family full of zest and zeal yet an air of passing judgment in so many subtle to cumbersomely hurtful ways also made its way into the wiring setting us all up for a fall that we didn’t even have a way of knowing was coming – for us all we found love yet it was met with bad software that went all the way back to ’72, ’75 and good old 1979 for yours truly for it was these 3 years when we were all built for life with the arrival of turning 10 – 

what’s so key to the first ten years one might ask? – well that’s when we’ve learned everything that tells us how to relate to one another based on exactly what we saw and received good bad and otherwise in the union of our mother & father – it’s as sound of a proven psychological concept as we’ll ever find should you be of the mind that maybe i’m out of mine – and for me i saw mom and dad in 2 very distinctively different roles with harmony running for a time and then always being interrupted and many times very abruptly so at that from the land of old-fashioned with a nearly complete loss of calm and composure followed with a lot of yelling and abrasive verbal derision and then often times coming to a peak with many tears that ultimately were finished off with a sullen sadness maybe for both of them until everything returned to normal at some point or so we thought – so what we saw was to love yet to control even if it meant unwittingly hurting the one we love so much whether it be for a minute or for many years and counting – i’ve lived and i’ve been and i’ve seen and i’ve fallen yet never until i was left did i ever begin living awakened –

well thankfully by the grace of God and the salvation of forgiving ourselves as well as truly letting go of any trespasses that have been made against us comes a second lease on living life the way God’s intended – and with it comes a peace in letting go of any pride or deceptively misgiven ego that’s also given me the free will to suffocate judgment and instead give rise in the greatest way i can to traveling every path and meeting every soul with limitless graceful compassion – to me this means thanking God for the amazingly blessed reality that’s becoming more and more my every day perfectly matching the vision that’s been given life from the very heart that’s guiding me from within – in being given this gift i’ve also gained a second gift in seeing far better through another’s eyes – and to me this is the key to a life well-led –

as for the yesterdays and the ones whom met me there especially and most importantly the beautiful soul that gave me her absolute best for 19 years i offer for the entire world to see my deepest and most sincere apology and plea for understanding, forgiveness and wonderful friendship once again – i never really even knew what i didn’t know and what was happening as a result – i never even knew i was in the middle of the intersection pointing the way at seemingly every turn and primarily hearing myself let alone did i know how cornering that must have felt – i never even knew what truly unconditional love meant in letting others be themselves thereby earning the mutual respect in them letting me be me just the same – i never even knew i was fighting centuries of an antiquated way that was doing nothing more than unintentionally breaking the spirit of the one i love the most thereby ultimately also deafening myself to God within me – yet it’s all changed to where i now see hear and feel God with an unquenchable thirst to give of myself in giving every gift i’ve been given in the very best way i can to all those God places in my life – as a result my eyes have been opened wide to so many blessings i know in my heart of hearts have always been there that now are taking on life as they’ve always rightfully and again so richly deserved – i know the love that i send to everyone in my life both near and far alike does reach its destination as well as i know God already has everything figured out in the perfect way that is only His –

i’ve further learned to carry on feeling all of the best loving light of the days gone by all the while living with spirited excellence in every new second that arrives all the while thanking God for the endless array of coming blessings in all of the rest of my days – and with that i’m feeling the best i ever have and for you i pray for the very same – to one and to all and you all know who you are i say i’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you and i love you – wishing you God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

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