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colder than the sault…

February 12, 2016

 
is what it feels like if i delay for more than a minute in reflecting on all of those i once called family that for the past five years now no longer have anything to say to me as if i just somehow vanished from ever even existing – it’s still almost entirely beyond me as to how i ever could’ve felt so deeply and so lovingly that i indeed had a second family that i most certainly felt would always be there for a lifetime, especially after the 20 years that once was – yet all in an instant in just that one fleeting minute in a heart i’d always felt so at once with out went the light – and from that very instant five years forward nothing’s ever been quite the same – nonetheless in the time since then a new and perfectly beautiful light so stunningly right in nearly every way has thankfully relit the stage of my greatest dream to the point that i can already feel it arriving, and for that and so much more i am eternally grateful – 

so how timely it was in that i recently heard a rather fascinating perspective that the tried and true act of forgiving’s not even necessary as truly understanding the what and the why of it all’s an automatic healing in and of itself – and in many ways i get it and everything the same i very well feel i already got it yet in reflecting on it all in just the past 24 hours, i found an even greater peace very deep within me even in the midst of strolling along in the amazingly freezing winds of an otherwise fine february morning in northern florida – how truly surreal it really was when all at once the rattling feel of the freeze sent me right back to so many years ago and the frigid feeling of the sault yet in the very same instant this newly found feeling of the liberating freedom of ease helped me finally understand it never was only about you – 

and i imagine this maybe all sounds just so simple in a matter of a mere few hundred words yet for me as the one living it let it be said in some ways it’s felt like several lifetimes in getting here – and further from there in the way i’m finally coming to comprehend it all as to the very likely neverending journey of the soul maybe it feels like several lifetimes in getting here because that’s precisely what it’s been in doing just that – either way an inner peace with so much of everything from the past has ultimately come to define exactly where i’m at minute after minute and from one day to the next and with it all a new and entirely amazing chapter of the story of me is finally underway, and i love it – wishing you all one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

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