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the gift in being left…

April 7, 2016


has to be one of the very strangest set of words ever finding their way out of a heart that once could barely breathe yet they did and she did and it did in the way of an arriving gift i never could’ve imagined happening in just these past and rather fast five years, and without it i dare say i’d be absolutely lost – yet, forever to the greater good of a heart that’s finally ready, fear and uncertainty as they’d always been with a fiercely defining upperhand in my life have now entirely vanished and in their place a far greater strength and conviction as inherently and ever so finely written together as one have led me into a visionary invincibility in being what i was always intended to be since the very beginning as my wandering soul first found this truly wonderful life – indeed it’s an unimaginably unlimited space in where everything that ever once may’ve been is in fact all on the table yet again right alongside everything so fascinating that has yet to even be, in every way my very greatest days are decidely in front of me –

it wasn’t a gift in the suffocating pain of the seemingly unending tears nor was it the deafening silence to so many troubling questions that at the time surely seemed to only ever say that happiness never would have me as its friend ever again – and it wasn’t even every second of sorrow passing at such a fretfully agonizing pace as if there’d never be an end – no, not a one of these in and of themselves ever felt like anything in the way of a gift yet in reflecting on it all after a five year ride right back to the very beginning it finally came to me that with all of the pain in every tear and every second of all of the sadder sorrow there was an even greater ray of light steadily threading its way into my very soul at every turn – and it was in that every turn that ultimately came a far happier heart as then so poetically followed by a far more radiant mind – 

and so it is in the end of such a fascinating phase once so laden with anxiety that i now ever so gratefully find myself beginning again finally realizing the greatest gift of them all as it is in thriving with the completely invaluable wisdom in simply just being me – wishing you one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

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