a five-year funeral…
and finally walking away from being left behind after twenty years and all of everything that simply was and indeed wasn’t is perhaps the single hardest self-realization i’ve ever come to in this wild and wonderful thing we all call life – and in finally having done it, i’m steadily finding this newly found freedom is indeed incredibly liberating well beyond my wildest imagination in that all of the loving light of everything that ever was as well as everything that has yet to even come to be has now nearly perfectly come together in becoming one –
and in ultimately becoming one, i’m further feeling as if every arresting thread of love that has ever found its way into my always swiftly beating heart is once again radiating out to the world on every single path the good Lord is leading me upon –
and in this beautifully never-ending guiding light for the very first time, i truly have every feeling and faith that my greatest destiny is now entirely upon me – and for it all and with the very deepest of gratitude, i say thank you – wishing you all every blessing at the greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
a modern divorce…
and everything fear and missing courage ever so painfully left behind in all of the blood and the tears of the years of what once seemed so very right, and then in just an instant it’s nothing, absolutely nothing, and then what happens? – what could possibly be next when it all suddenly appears as if there’s simply nothing left to see? – and when it’s all gone so sadly silent what are we left in hearing other than the incredibly lonely sound of a table so newly just for one? – and then completely overriding any of that, what in the world does any of it even mean? –
and right there and then we realize all we can ever do is cry and try and then let it all go and give it all over to God –
wishing you every blessing at the greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
and then it happened…
as a day arrived just as nearly every other one in my life ever has in where i opened my eyes and saw so many of the possibilities and all to some relatively engaging degree or typically even greater than that, i was ready to take it all in with a smile and a rather swift kick just for good measure – and so it was yet again this very morning and then something happened – something altogether very different that i didn’t have any idea was about to happen began happening with a very well-timed word or two coming through in just the right fashion from two very dear friends that i dare say know me even better than what i may myself as all in an instant it lifted up and away as fleetingly as a gentle wind having rather quickly come and just as fastly having already gone –
and what a simply glorious and incredibly liberating feeling it is in finally being free of the painfully pressing guilt that five years on still had me rather paralyzed feeling that i wasn’t any more worthy than that of being left behind after 20 years together with the one i truly always felt would absolutely be the one for a lifetime and indeed well beyond that –
yet she gave in in apparently finally giving up as rather unfortunately she just wasn’t and it wasn’t what i thought it always was for these past 24 years as i’ve very thankfully come to realize in the way of a far greater peace finally and ever so lovingly resonating all around and within my heart once again –
and while i’ll always be immeasurably grateful for everything so amazing that she was and did and hoped for for and with me completely appreciating every minute of it even more so now that it’s all just a distant memory, i’ve nonetheless finally come to accept this day for the definitive entirety of what it is as even further i’m now finding myself totally embracing everything so newly undiscovered and still perfectly beautiful that lies in front of me simply waiting to be seen –
in the end it was what it was, it is what it is and God-willing everything ahead of me’ll be even better and brighter and greater than i’ve ever imagined it could possibly ever be, and for it all i emphatically say thank you – wishing you all every blessing at the greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
take that s*** to the suburbs, burn that s*** down she said…
and as mindlessly said as it just was it all comes from their having been preyed upon and watered-down upon for so long now with the completely horrifying inner city plantation set-up of johnson’s highly deleterious and entirely racist great society scheme to the degree that the lesser and least educated in these otherwise shamelessly neglected and nearly altogether forgotten neighborhoods resort to the lesser and woefully mis-serving baser aspects of humanity –
johnson hoped and more or less knew they’d primarily keep to themselves and from there kill one another in disturbingly high numbers as well as fill the corridors of the soul-stealing entity that planned parenthood so clearly is, and that’s exactly what’s been happening for 50 years now – and the likes of jackson, sharpton, barry obama and so many other seemingly countless community organizers or aldermen like the fanciful thief up in milwaukee continue preying on their own with the coordinated help of our sickly twisted goody-gumshoe cabal of a scam mainstream media right there in lockstep with them keeping themselves high on power and control while nothing ever gets better and the good people suffer and then boil over from there – and what’s worse is that it’s all effectively being encouraged by our fantastically wonderful president and his shockingly pathetic lack of true leadership as he instead sums it all up in recently and very wrecklessly asking how would you feel? –
and what’s further worse from there is that there’s seemingly no one other than a very limited minority of the minorities like James T Harris with the free-thinking wit as found in tandem with the ever so critically necessary courageous willingness to stand up and say it like it really is –
i remember these elitist-type twits in their pathetic clicks in every hallway of all of the schools i ever attended and while they were rather annoying back then they’re now very dangerous in the halls of the mainstream media and the dnc and whatever other backrooms they gather in where they plot and plan their deranged version and vision of the future of this once great land, that’s what’s happening and we absolutely must put an end to it at every turn –
indeed, i dare say we’re at the very beginning of what must be an american spring in rising up and through and above all of those of the very worst already among us as in every way it’s high time for the new american revolution in getting back everything good that we ever once had – after all all of our kids of every race, color and creed and their very future are all counting on us –
wishing you all every blessing at the very greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
whatever i have tried to do in life…
i have tried with all my heart to do it well; whatever i have devoted myself to, i have devoted myself to completely so said Charles Dickens so seemingly long ago yet now feeling so suddenly near and dear in everything i’ve ever come to understand – and with these very words the vision i was so graciously given as the very calling of a lifetime reappears in a far greater light steadily resonating all throughout me in everything that i am, and in every way i totally accept it –
i totally accept it in that all along as i’m seeing it there’s an underlying feeling of fascination steadily further feeding what i’m seeing, and in and of itself that is indeed an entirely delightful and ever so blessedly endless circle of life-giving surety as much as it’s also most certainly the very finest in dream-threading reality –
after all as it is most likely far more of the time than that of what many’ll ever realize, the seeing leads to feeling as ultimately spearheaded in the believing even and especially of that which is yet to even appear in front of us – and as it is then so i am as the days of writing and reading as well as the teaching, guiding and leading all are lighting the way into the dawn of a new foundation setting forth speaking greater life into every soul i can find –
and that’s the way that it is just as it was always intended to be and for it all i say thank you – wishing you all one in the same at the very greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
yet it is what it is and it was what it was and what it was isn’t exactly all that clear yet then again I really feel it was, kinda – as to how it happened that’s no small wonder and in no way was it a coincidence as there absolutely is no such thing as a coincidence in the way that i’ve ever so fascinatingly come to comprehend it – yet the fact that it did happen as it did happen left me entirely in disbelief for all of a second or maybe as many as 30 and then it was all simply laughter, and then even more laughter thereafter – after all there we were one day away from the fifth year passed ever so poetically right at the very peak of a perfectly sun-setting scene dividing 2 entirely separate lives as well as 2 entirely different worlds – and finally and thankfully it’s all weller than well and it didn’t hurt any more as indeed a gift greater than any other i ever could’ve imagined let alone never could’ve paid for’s surely been delivered right on-time in the highest of clarity and with the very finest in life-defining resolution –
and so it was on an otherwise rather pedestrian finish to another satisfying day as the glimmering shine of an ever-radiant spin told me there she is that’s her and i cannot believe she’s almost right in front of me – and such it was that only a few hundred feet kept us away from one another if not still very near as the natural pace of traffic eventually and rather quickly had its way and then it happened –
in simple simplicity as everything else temporarily vanished it was now only a tale of the 2 mustangs, one of the past and one of the very here and now running right to the very top of the causeway in a flurry of a faster fashion running side-by-side if only for the few fleeting seconds yet running as one as it once so happily was – so there she was as strikingly pretty as ever gently smiling and seemingly oblivious to it all with the other and apparently fairly older fellow riding right there at her side and it didn’t make any sense and then it all made absolutely perfect sense, every thread of it and it all happened and it all passed in an instant and then everything was fine –
and to think in reflecting that it all happened in barely under a mere 2000 days of living, learning, laughing and loving in every way that i never knew before all simply to get right here finally thriving in a newly-found destination called happiness is to see a soul as highly-blessed as their ever was in this or any other lifetime and for it all with a thankfulness far greater than any other i say thank you – wishing you one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
the gift in being left…
has to be one of the very strangest set of words ever finding their way out of a heart that once could barely breathe yet they did and she did and it did in the way of an arriving gift i never could’ve imagined happening in just these past and rather fast five years, and without it i dare say i’d be absolutely lost – yet, forever to the greater good of a heart that’s finally ready, fear and uncertainty as they’d always been with a fiercely defining upperhand in my life have now entirely vanished and in their place a far greater strength and conviction as inherently and ever so finely written together as one have led me into a visionary invincibility in being what i was always intended to be since the very beginning as my wandering soul first found this truly wonderful life – indeed it’s an unimaginably unlimited space in where everything that ever once may’ve been is in fact all on the table yet again right alongside everything so fascinating that has yet to even be, in every way my very greatest days are decidely in front of me –
it wasn’t a gift in the suffocating pain of the seemingly unending tears nor was it the deafening silence to so many troubling questions that at the time surely seemed to only ever say that happiness never would have me as its friend ever again – and it wasn’t even every second of sorrow passing at such a fretfully agonizing pace as if there’d never be an end – no, not a one of these in and of themselves ever felt like anything in the way of a gift yet in reflecting on it all after a five year ride right back to the very beginning it finally came to me that with all of the pain in every tear and every second of all of the sadder sorrow there was an even greater ray of light steadily threading its way into my very soul at every turn – and it was in that every turn that ultimately came a far happier heart as then so poetically followed by a far more radiant mind –
and so it is in the end of such a fascinating phase once so laden with anxiety that i now ever so gratefully find myself beginning again finally realizing the greatest gift of them all as it is in thriving with the completely invaluable wisdom in simply just being me – wishing you one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~
