rettingerrockfiles

i have tried with all my heart to do it well; whatever i have devoted myself to, i have devoted myself to completely so said Charles Dickens so seemingly long ago yet now feeling so suddenly near and dear in everything i’ve ever come to understand – and with these very words the vision i was so graciously given as the very calling of a lifetime reappears in a far greater light steadily resonating all throughout me in everything that i am, and in every way i totally accept it –

i totally accept it in that all along as i’m seeing it there’s an underlying feeling of fascination steadily further feeding what i’m seeing, and in and of itself that is indeed an entirely delightful and ever so blessedly endless circle of life-giving surety as much as it’s also most certainly the very finest in dream-threading reality – 

after all as it is most likely far more of the time than that of what many’ll ever realize, the seeing leads to feeling as ultimately spearheaded in the believing even and especially of that which is yet to even appear in front of us – and as it is then so i am as the days of writing and reading as well as the teaching, guiding and leading all are lighting the way into the dawn of a new foundation setting forth speaking greater life into every soul i can find –

and that’s the way that it is just as it was always intended to be and for it all i say thank you – wishing you all one in the same at the very greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

yet it is what it is and it was what it was and what it was isn’t exactly all that clear yet then again I really feel it was, kinda – as to how it happened that’s no small wonder and in no way was it a coincidence as there absolutely is no such thing as a coincidence in the way that i’ve ever so fascinatingly come to comprehend it – yet the fact that it did happen as it did happen left me entirely in disbelief for all of a second or maybe as many as 30 and then it was all simply laughter, and then even more laughter thereafter – after all there we were one day away from the fifth year passed ever so poetically right at the very peak of a perfectly sun-setting scene dividing 2 entirely separate lives as well as 2 entirely different worlds – and finally and thankfully it’s all weller than well and it didn’t hurt any more as indeed a gift greater than any other i ever could’ve imagined let alone never could’ve paid for’s surely been delivered right on-time in the highest of clarity and with the very finest in life-defining resolution –

and so it was on an otherwise rather pedestrian finish to another satisfying day as the glimmering shine of an ever-radiant spin told me there she is that’s her and i cannot believe she’s almost right in front of me – and such it was that only a few hundred feet kept us away from one another if not still very near as the natural pace of traffic eventually and rather quickly had its way and then it happened – 

in simple simplicity as everything else temporarily vanished it was now only a tale of the 2 mustangs, one of the past and one of the very here and now running right to the very top of the causeway in a flurry of a faster fashion running side-by-side if only for the few fleeting seconds yet running as one as it once so happily was – so there she was as strikingly pretty as ever gently smiling and seemingly oblivious to it all with the other and apparently fairly older fellow riding right there at her side and it didn’t make any sense and then it all made absolutely perfect sense, every thread of it and it all happened and it all passed in an instant and then everything was fine – 

and to think in reflecting that it all happened in barely under a mere 2000 days of living, learning, laughing and loving in every way that i never knew before all simply to get right here finally thriving in a newly-found destination called happiness is to see a soul as highly-blessed as their ever was in this or any other lifetime and for it all with a thankfulness far greater than any other i say thank you – wishing you one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

has to be one of the very strangest set of words ever finding their way out of a heart that once could barely breathe yet they did and she did and it did in the way of an arriving gift i never could’ve imagined happening in just these past and rather fast five years, and without it i dare say i’d be absolutely lost – yet, forever to the greater good of a heart that’s finally ready, fear and uncertainty as they’d always been with a fiercely defining upperhand in my life have now entirely vanished and in their place a far greater strength and conviction as inherently and ever so finely written together as one have led me into a visionary invincibility in being what i was always intended to be since the very beginning as my wandering soul first found this truly wonderful life – indeed it’s an unimaginably unlimited space in where everything that ever once may’ve been is in fact all on the table yet again right alongside everything so fascinating that has yet to even be, in every way my very greatest days are decidely in front of me –

it wasn’t a gift in the suffocating pain of the seemingly unending tears nor was it the deafening silence to so many troubling questions that at the time surely seemed to only ever say that happiness never would have me as its friend ever again – and it wasn’t even every second of sorrow passing at such a fretfully agonizing pace as if there’d never be an end – no, not a one of these in and of themselves ever felt like anything in the way of a gift yet in reflecting on it all after a five year ride right back to the very beginning it finally came to me that with all of the pain in every tear and every second of all of the sadder sorrow there was an even greater ray of light steadily threading its way into my very soul at every turn – and it was in that every turn that ultimately came a far happier heart as then so poetically followed by a far more radiant mind – 

and so it is in the end of such a fascinating phase once so laden with anxiety that i now ever so gratefully find myself beginning again finally realizing the greatest gift of them all as it is in thriving with the completely invaluable wisdom in simply just being me – wishing you one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

 
is what it feels like if i delay for more than a minute in reflecting on all of those i once called family that for the past five years now no longer have anything to say to me as if i just somehow vanished from ever even existing – it’s still almost entirely beyond me as to how i ever could’ve felt so deeply and so lovingly that i indeed had a second family that i most certainly felt would always be there for a lifetime, especially after the 20 years that once was – yet all in an instant in just that one fleeting minute in a heart i’d always felt so at once with out went the light – and from that very instant five years forward nothing’s ever been quite the same – nonetheless in the time since then a new and perfectly beautiful light so stunningly right in nearly every way has thankfully relit the stage of my greatest dream to the point that i can already feel it arriving, and for that and so much more i am eternally grateful – 

so how timely it was in that i recently heard a rather fascinating perspective that the tried and true act of forgiving’s not even necessary as truly understanding the what and the why of it all’s an automatic healing in and of itself – and in many ways i get it and everything the same i very well feel i already got it yet in reflecting on it all in just the past 24 hours, i found an even greater peace very deep within me even in the midst of strolling along in the amazingly freezing winds of an otherwise fine february morning in northern florida – how truly surreal it really was when all at once the rattling feel of the freeze sent me right back to so many years ago and the frigid feeling of the sault yet in the very same instant this newly found feeling of the liberating freedom of ease helped me finally understand it never was only about you – 

and i imagine this maybe all sounds just so simple in a matter of a mere few hundred words yet for me as the one living it let it be said in some ways it’s felt like several lifetimes in getting here – and further from there in the way i’m finally coming to comprehend it all as to the very likely neverending journey of the soul maybe it feels like several lifetimes in getting here because that’s precisely what it’s been in doing just that – either way an inner peace with so much of everything from the past has ultimately come to define exactly where i’m at minute after minute and from one day to the next and with it all a new and entirely amazing chapter of the story of me is finally underway, and i love it – wishing you all one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

 yet in many unexpected ways that’s turning out to be a very good thing – after all in life it’s all about an evolution in the way of a measure of where we were, where we’re now at and indeed very much where we’re headed – so when a day arrives in a life and you’re feeling more in love than you’d ever felt before and it’s still with the same wonderful girl of nearly 20 years something so exceptionally heartening sweeps over the soul, at least that’s how it felt right up until 959 that evening – and then it happened as the line went dead some 1731 days ago – 

and in all of that time so many aspects of a life that once was have all but disappeared yet all the while so many amazing blessings have newly threaded their way into a heart that seemed as if it’d never heal – and while that’s certainly a feeling far lovelier than any words can ever say there’s nonetheless still a room within it all where a window’s permanently lifted in a fashion with the sheerest of curtains softly flittering about as if from the gentle winds of a summer day in an appearingly perfect place just barely outside of it all and somewhat distant just the same – it’s a place where an entirely different world’s on stage yet the voices are faint and any images only ever come in the swiftest, the sweetest and at times the saddest of visions – 

as much as it now all makes seemingly perfect sense at the same time I fear it’ll forever be something I’ll never completely understand until we meet again perhaps only as souls if not hopefully far sooner – and for the sake of the gift of precious life i’ve now been given for a second if not indeed a third time and what I now know so absolutely in my heart of hearts it is that i’m to be giving with it, i finally feel that i can truly accept it all – no sad stories are needed and no welling tears need shedding as I’m finally realizing what it is to truly love unconditionally – and to think it’s only taken an undying world of love that’s been said and given and proven to me by so many for so long and so patiently is to see a man who is perhaps for the very first time genuinely thankful – wishing you one in the very same and God’s every blessing ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~

and everything so far beyond it in the the heart, that’s where it is and what it’s all about in this hectic life of a to z, 1-2-3 and it is what it is – yet not every one of us necessarily sees that, and to any of the ones in the blind it’s a rather sad state of affairs – in this so-called modern day we’re running about in so many’ve have seemed to arrive into their very own little space where it’s all appearingly so neat and tidy and free of any static yet that’s not where anything that’ll ever matter truly ever happens as it’s very much in no way anything that’s really even real – 

with every passing year in this glimmering age of a technorati overdrive there’s a gathering perspective of the viability of truly capturing the perfectly self-designed island life – and it’s in this finely focused fantasy built upon me myself and i (as well as the i in our hand) where all may at first seem so wonderfully pleasing from one second to the next as if we’ve somehow found the pinnacle of perfect living when in effect what we’ve fashioned is indeed a gathering void – it’s a gathering void to where far too many of us (and particularly those riding high on the cutting edge of the youthful frontier) are effectively fleecing ourselves of the greatest strength we can ever attain in this life in the way of truly connecting in and further carrying on with others with compassion – and missing that i dare say’s definitely not a good thing – 

in a time of tapping in with an instantaneous touch to this that or virtually anything the other, really getting into it with some other soul with any sense of real humanity’s rapidly descending into something far less than anything that’s real – and it’s happening with a greater and greater disconnect steadily rising to the surface as simply and quite adeptly fueled from the beautifully marketed delusion that it’s better just because it’s faster – yet that’s not it, it never was, it still isn’t and it never will be – 

after all it’s all about the quality in relating to others in any of our relationships let alone the truly important ones as to what ends up mattering in the end – and given that it’s all in the quality it’s an intrinsic given as well in that quality relationships take time in building, yet when it’s done right they become nearly invincible and far more often for a lifetime – indeed the better we are in engaging the better we are in living and the better we are in living the better we are in actually thriving and isn’t that what any one of us really wants out of life? – 

so in finding our way once again in returning to the center of where it really all happens it’s vital in our collectively understanding that when it comes to technology as compared to people everything digital typically just doesn’t matter – after all when it’s without merit (and so often of the time it simply is) we have to put it away and return to the art of listening with our eyes as they’re not only the window to the soul yet they’re typically the very story of the heart – and when it’s coming from the heart then and only then is when we find that truly invaluable and often times far too fleeting feeling that it’s all worth it – wishing you all one in the very same at the greatest of godspeed ~rettingerrockfiles/RRF~